An interesting thing happens with countless women when it comes to asking for what they want. Far too often they get stuck in the pattern of asking for what they think they’ll get rather than asking for what they truly want. As you can imagine, this is creating a lot of struggles for far too many women.
Here are a few examples of what I mean:
• Susie says she would like to have a raise but is certain her boss would tell her no. She decides to wait until he brings the topic up and hopes he notices her hard work.
• Karen doesn’t want to sleep with the guy she is dating until they have an agreement that each of them is exclusive. She is highly doubtful that he would agree to that though, so she decides to stay quite, sleep with him and hope for the best.
• Janice wants to ask her 75-year-old father to stop calling her names when he gets angry. She’s certain he’ll get angry at the request and won’t stop the name calling so she decides to learn how to accept his anger.
When women want something, they often filter their desire through the lens of whether or not they think the other person will give it. If women think the other person would never give them what they wanted to ask for, then they often change their request to something they think they have a better chance of getting. They, in essence, water down their request. This watering down process is a training ground for women on how to settle.
Until women get clarity about what they want and are willing to then stand behind that, they will forever be unhappy. If women filter their requests through the lens of what the other person wants rather than what’s important to them, they will almost always be short-changed. This is true in romantic relationships, work relationships and even parenting. If women don’t ask for what they want, they increase the odds enormously of not getting what they want.
Remember that you create your life. You have to live with your decisions 24/7. Don’t allow someone else’s choices to become yours by default. Have the courage to truly decide what you want and then step in and ask for it. If the other person says no, then think about whether or not you can live with the no…and then be proud you asked.
Challenge: Pay attention to the things you want and how you ask for them. Notice the little voice inside you that tells you to alter your request based on what you think you’ll get rather than what you truly want. Dare to ask for what you want instead.