Far too many women doubt themselves. They fail to allow themselves to see what they see, know what they know and feel what they feel. It’s incredibly hard to watch smart women deceive themselves so outrageously. Until women trust that they are strong enough to handle the truth of what’s right in front of them, they will forever be at risk for poor treatment (at work, home and in the world).
Below are several behaviors that women often see with a clouded lens. Wipe off your lens and see what’s in front of you.
1. A provocative text or sext message: If your husband or boyfriend has a sext message from another woman, there is a 95% chance that he is in an affair. If it is a sext there is a 99.9% chance that he’s having an affair. If you find out there is no affair, his behavior is still 100% WRONG. He can’t be trusted and you should be worried.
2. Rage, control or bullying: His anger is not about you, it is about HIM. Stop wondering what you did and figure out if you want to be with someone who is scary and unsafe.
3. Your partner has a profile on a singles site: He is NOT just curious—he is untrustworthy regardless of what excuse he gives. Open you eyes and stop being so naïve. He is lying to you now and has likely been lying to you about other things.
4. Repeated sexting, affairs or inappropriate sexual offenses: Likely he’s struggling with sex addiction. Red flags for sex addiction: porn sites, affairs, singles sites, sexting, flirting with your friends, pressure around sex or no sex in your relationship, yet plenty of sex outside your relationship. When in doubt—check it out. Look up signs of sex addiction on the Internet.
5. Daily drinking or binge drinking: Don’t listen to his rationalizing around drinking, look at the data, get the facts and know the signs. If his drinking is creating struggle between the two of you then his drinking is a problem. Listen to you gut and stop looking to him at admit to a problem.
6. Hides e-mails/phone and/or disappears: People hide things when they have something to hide. Don’t buy the excuse that they don’t want people in their business. If people have nothing to hide, they don’t care if you look a their phone or e-mail.
The bottom-line about relationships is…you know more than you think you do. Do not allow your fear to stop you from seeing what’s right in front of you. If you’re not sure, imagine if your friend had the same thing happen to her—what would you tell her? Face your fear and remind yourself that you are strong, competent and wise. Don’t allow your fear to blind you.
Challenge: If any of the above happens to you, slow your reactions down, take a deep breath and dare to see what you see. Repeat this out loud, “I will be okay.” Trust that you can handle what life throws at you and fight the denial.