When women communicate in this way, they weaken their message.  The more a woman (or man for that matter) excessively talks, the less the people around them will listen.  It becomes too difficult to filter out the important from the frivolous aspects of the information.

If you want to be heard, think before you speak.  Get clarity about your message and then speak it directly and succinctly.  Avoid excessive details and do not repeat yourself.  Simply state the information and allow it to sit.  If you’re worried that the person doesn’t understand what you’re saying, then ask if they need more information.  Do not assume they don’t get it and then work like crazy to explain.  Explain more only if they ask for more.  Otherwise assume they got it.

Tune into others tuning you out.  If they tell you to get to the point, stare into space, finish your sentences, repeatedly interrupt you etc., then they have tuned you out. Instead of complaining about how others don’t listen, laser your speaking.  Your words are important—don’t use them as a wall to keep people at bay.

Challenge: If people complain about you talking too much, tune in.  Notice the excessive chatter, repetitive statements and long-winded stories.  Cut to the chase and become more effective as a speaker.

Personally, I hate that they drinks so much juice, period. I think fruit juice is a scant step above soda pop, empty calories with few vitamins and no fiber.

The bad habit began when our older daughter was sick and wouldn’t eat. We gave her as much juice as she would drink, just to keep her hydrated and give her some energy.

She liked to drink juice, so my husband kept buying it. Years later, here we are.

I suggested to him a while ago that we begin cutting the apple juice with water. I asked him to mix it in a jug, 1 part water and 1 part juice. He agreed.

We were sitting on the couch, reading a book together, when she took her first sip of the diluted juice.

Mama, there’s something wrong with my juice.

“What’s wrong with it?”

I think it’s iced tea. Smell it.

I held the (covered) cup up to my nose and sniffed loudly. “Smells like apple juice.”

Grace took another drink. No, nope. It’s not apple juice. There’s something wrong with it. It tastes a little funny. Take a little sip. You taste a little sip.

I tasted the juice.

First of all, I didn’t realize that our lidded cups had such a tight seal. I thought I was going to hyperventilate before I actually got a little sip of the juice.

Secondly, I don’t like watered down juice. I think it’s terrible, almost gag-producing.

And yet, I’m feeding it to my child. There’s something wrong with that.

I took a sip anyway. It tasted like watered down apple juice.

“Tastes like apple juice.”

Hrmph. It tastes a little funny. There’s something wrong with it. Grace held the cup up, peering down the straw with one eyeball.

Are you sure it’s not iced tea?

“I’m sure. It’s apple juice.”

Grace gave me another hard look, but she drank the juice.

I think that one of two things is going to happen:

1. She’s going to figure out that we’re diluting her juice and demand for us to stop.
2. She’s going to stop drinking juice.

I hope she gives up and asks for water. She likes water.

And plain water is a lot better than watery juice.

Photo by Trekky Andy

Each month Sonsi will feature one of YOU in our YourStyle article, highlighting some of your favorites in Fashion, Life and Home. This lucky lady will not only be featured on SonsiLiving but also get to showcase their very own, hand-picked clothing collection on Sonsi…Shop Jessica’s YourStyle Collection here!

Tell us about Jessica, in your own words: I am a confidence crusader and believe that confidence is in every woman, but she needs to have the strength to embrace it. I’m 31, wife & mother of 1, find me at www.lifeandstyleofjessica.com, www.skorchmag.com & www.jessicas-list.com.

Credit: Stacy J Photography

What is your favorite part about what you do? It’s not work since it’s my passion! I get to get paid to do what I love, and that’s talk fashion and confidence with my readers!

Flats or heels? Flats – I’m a wuss.

Sparkling Ruffle Flat by Fashion Bug

Who are some of your style icons? Victoria Beckham, Nichole Ritchie and any of the Kardashians.

Give us your go-to outfit for running out the door: Sealed with a Kiss open cardi, Svoboda Jeggings, Belt, Wedges.

Open Cardigan by SWAK Designs

What is your favorite meal (that you can make!): Well that’s easy since I can’t seem to make ANYthing right! Pizza!

What is your favorite Spring trend? Pastel Pink – Kinda obsessed with it right now.

Dolman sleeve dress

Tell us about your dream date … outfit included! Hot Tub, Lemon Drops, My hubby and no outfit Hehehehe

What is the best book you’ve ever read? Marketing 101 – LOL – there’s a story behind that one. I convinced a VP to make me their Marketing Manager, and I knew NOTHING about media/marketing…thus the book . Was my start to what I’m doing today.

What is your favorite bra & panty? Cacique Tshirt Bra and simple white G.

Smooth T-shirt bra

What was your most exciting accomplishment? Becoming a CocoPerez.com plus size style contributor.

What inspires you? My readers, they write everyday sharing their stories and it truly keeps me going.

Tell us about anything new & exciting going on with you? So excited to be working with Catherine’s as the featured person for February for the CatherinesIAm project! And, starting February will be an ambassador for Sealed With A Kiss Designs, including a monthly column and prizes! And my magazine, Skorch is doing so amazing and has so many new contributors from all around the world and will be launching a huge campaign soon with a major retail partner. I really am so blessed for all these amazing opportunities and the team behind me at Skorch.

Credit www.lifeandstyleofjessica.com

Find Jessica at  www.facebook.com/jessicakanestyle & www.twitter.com/jessicakane

XOXO,

The Sonsi Team

(Can you imagine yourself as Sonsi’s YourStyle feature? Email editor@sonsiliving.com)

We are lucky enough to chat with them and hear what makes them tick – and get the inside scoop on how they make clothes cater to your curves. In this post, we’ll hear from Sarah, Sealed With A Kiss Designs’ Director of Marketing! On top of being super sweet, Sarah also has great style, and lets us get a sneak peek inside her CLOSET! Check out what Sarah has to say below about why she & SWAK Designs put together “Sarah’s Closet” … & enjoy!

“I’m not a model. I’m a regular woman.

I have things about my body I like, and things I would love to change. But, I’m a firm believer in dressing your body exactly as it is, and allowing yourself to embrace fashion and style at the size you are. Even if you want to make a change! There are a lot of larger plus size women who are looking for examples of stylish, sassy women with body type’s they can relate to. In doing Sarah’s Closet, we hope to inspire women to embrace what is great about THEIR body, and to show them how to be stylish regardless of size! If we can make one woman open her mind to something she wouldn’t have normally considered, then we’ve done our job!” ~Sarah

Shop the entire Sealed With A Kiss Designs Collection on Sonsi.com!

Shop the Wrap Dress

Shop the Amber Shrug & Shop the Miranda Top

Shop the Amber Shrug & Shop the Wide Buckle Belt & Shop the Gloria Dress

Shop the Open Cardigan & Shop the Perfect Camisole

Shop the Open Cardigan & Shop the Wide Buckle Belt & Shop the Wrap Dress

Shop the entire Sealed With A Kiss Designs Collection on Sonsi.com!

Which look of Sarah’s was YOUR favorite? Comment below!

xoxo The Sonsi Team

I seriously needed to re-new and restore my foundation and I’m not talking about a body briefer and a pair of spanks. I started writing down the things that were missing in my life and what was consistent was some serious, uninterrupted “me” time. I needed to go back to doing something for “me” that I absolutely love to do. Something that brings me joy, makes me smile, takes me away from life’s routine and makes me feel wonderful. Yes I said wonderful, with a strong dose of euphoria. And I found it!

I went back to the pool! I have always loved to swim and one of my best friends introduced me to aqua jog. Aqua jog is a total cardio workout in the deepest part of an Olympic size swimming pool with the use of water dumbbells, a fitness jog belt, resistance footwear and a fierce instructor. The beauty of it is that it does not stress your joints or harm your muscles, but when that hour is over you will know that you have worked out.  It has completely helped to strengthen my physical core, re-new my mind and take my other work outs to another level. I have decided that aqua jog and swimming will forever be apart of my daily routine. There is something about starting my day in the pool that gives me absolute harmony and balance.

Chic Nassau Plus Size Mesh Hoodie by Beach Belle

As I welcomed 2012  with a renewed spirit and a clear vision I have discovered several new life philosophies that I would like to share with you. The first is to find something that you love to do and make real time for yourself to do it. The second is to make your “me” time as important as your career and what you do when you are taking care of everyone else in your life. The third is to know that there will be extraordinary mental rewards. This is just as or even more important than the natural, physical results because when you are in a great place mentally, you have greater control of life overall.

Women's Freestyle Hobo Duffel by Puma

And lastly, well you didn’t think that I would forget to find a couple of fashionable pieces here at Sonsi for my aquatic activities, did you? You must have a some fabulous pieces when you get active! For my deep water run, I have fallen in love with the Aquatic Purple Rippling water swimsuit. I wrap up in the Chic Nassau mesh hoodie by Beach Belle and I overstuff my new women’s freestyle hobo duffel by Puma. For the moment these are my favorite things. I would love to know what you are doing in 2012 that is just for you! I wish you all an amazing new year and an amazing new you!

In high school and college, I loved Chi-Chi’s; I ate there at least a few times a month. My favorite menu item was Cheese and Onion Enchiladas.

We make all sorts of enchiladas and quesadillas and burritos at my house, and we’ve made all sorts of cheese and onion recipes, always trying to come close to the flavor of my old favorite, cheese and onion enchiladas. I’ve previously shared recipes for my own cheese and onion enchiladas, baked chicken enchiladas, BBQ chicken enchiladas (my favorite favorite meal), and beef enchiladas,  as well as chicken bacon quesadillas and turkey quesadillas. All of those are really good.

The quesadillas below are also really, really good, but they are nothing like my old favorite enchiladas. Those were heavy, laden with enchilada sauce and sour cream and grease. They even came with more grease on the side.

They were so very delicious.

These cheese and onion enchiladas are healthy because they use rice vinegar for flavor rather than sour cream or butter. Thanks to the vinegar, they have a tangy sweet flavor without a glut of calories (unless you go overboard with the cheese).

Onion Quesadillas

Ingredients:

• 1 tablespoon extra virgin olive oil
• 1 teaspoon taco seasoning
• 5 oz can of mild green chiles
• 1 large onion, sliced into quarter-inch rings
• 1/3 cup red pepper flavor rice vinegar
• 4 whole grain tortillas
• 1 cup shredded low-fat cheese, Mexican blend, divided

Instructions:

1. Heat olive oil and taco seasoning in a medium skillet over medium-high heat. Add the onions and peppers, and sauté for two minutes. Add the vinegar and cook for four minutes or until the vinegar is evaporated. If you like your onions to be less crunchy, turn the heat down to medium and cook until they are as soft as you like them.
2. We use a quesadilla maker to cook our quesadillas. That makes quesadilla preparation super simple. We lay one tortilla down, top it with the fillings and a second tortilla, and close the lid. That’s it. If you don’t have a quesadilla maker, you have a bit more work ahead (but not much).
3. Spritz a large skillet with cooking spray and place a tortilla in the skillet. Cook the tortilla until it’s just browned.
4. Turn the tortilla over, sprinkle with about 1/4 cup of cheese and 1/4 of the onion mixture. Fold the tortilla in half and cook until the cheese begins to melt and turns gooey. Turn the quesadilla over to brown the other side. Remove it to a plate and let it cool before cutting into three wedges.
5. Repeat for remaining tortillas.

If my calculations are correct, each quesadilla (one tortilla, 1/4 cup of cheese, and 1/4 of the onion mixture) has about 225 calories.

Makes 4 folded quesadillas. My husband and I each eat 2 quesadillas for dinner, along with a salad or cucumber and carrot sticks with ranch dip.

Photo source

She doesn’t care whether she’s cooking in her play kitchen, or if she’s cooking in my kitchen. She just likes to cook.

Any time I’m in the kitchen, trying to prepare a meal, she wants to be right there with me, helping.

Three years after we got it, she still  pushes her Learning Tower up to whatever surface I’m working at, and stands next to me.

If I’m stirring, she wants to stir. If I’m chopping, she wants to chop.

And while every parent knows that these jobs are easier without the help of a child (is there anything that’s not easier without the help of a child?), I let her help anyway.

Helping builds her self esteem and her self confidence, and it gives her a sense of power over the food she eats (or refuses to eat, as is often the case).

She used to flip flour all over herself and the counter and the floor, but she eventually pushed it down through the sieve. It’s been a work in progress.

I used to say that someday, she’d actually be a productive helper.

Someday has come. My 4-(and a half!)-year-old can tear greens, mash bananas, mix batters, measure ingredients, find items in the pantry, and much, much more.

She hasn’t become a great helper by accident. It’s taken three and a half years of messes preparation to make her helping become helpful.

10 Ways to Get Children Involved in the Kitchen

I’ve always believed it important to give children jobs they can do (or at least believe they can do) safely. If you guarantee their success in the kitchen when they’re little, they’ll learn to cook while playing and enjoy cooking later on.

Try some or all of the following to get your own children involved in the kitchen:

1. Tell your children about an ingredient or utensil. Ask them to find the ingredient or utensil from a cabinet or drawer and then put it back when you’re finished.
2. Get them tools that are just like yours and teach them to use the tools correctly. I’ve gathered small but real items for my daughter to use — a mini whisk, learning knives (they look like knives without a sharp edge), small, lightweight mixing bowls with handles.
   We save toy utensils for the play kitchen. My daughter and I use real utensils when we’re in the real kitchen.
3. Give them the trash to put in the garbage can and scraps to put in the compost bin.
4. Show them how to tear or break food into pieces. This works well with things like spinach, lettuce, and mushrooms. Don’t forget bread and spaghetti, too.
5. Let them transfer food from one container to another. Even the smallest children can pour flour or water from the measuring cup to a mixing bowl. Bigger kids can pour batter into a cake pan or scrape  loves to put chopped food into a baking dish.
6. Teach them how to use a colander to rinse or a dishpan and washcloth to wash tools in the sink. Be careful not to give them sharp tools!
7. Show them how to rinse or wash fruits and vegetables. If you have a salad spinner, this is especially exciting.
8. Give them a spray bottle of water (or water and dish detergent) and a towel to let them clean up after you’ve cooked.
9. Teach them how to set and clear the table. There are a lot of place mats available online that you can download and print to show them where to put the silverware.
10. Let them make music. If all else fails, give them a few pots, a dishpan, and big serving spoons. They’ll stay busy and let you get some work done.

Remember that children may have a very short attention span. They may start and stop cooking, want to go play with the magnets, and then come back to cook again.

Try not to get frustrated with your children when they work in the kitchen. When they’re small, they are going to make a mess. Accept that and let them help the best they can.

How do you your children help out in the kitchen?

When you combine a desire to please with a need to avoid conflict, you often end up with a very over-accommodating, tired human being.  Over-accommodating happens when a person says yes to almost everything.  At work they may take on more and more projects and tasks than are humanly possible to do and not complain or ask for help.  At home, they may do all the chores, keep the house clean and take care of the kids.  If they’re sick, they’ll often struggle through rather than resting and having other family members pick up the slack.

The bottom line is they’re all about taking care of everyone else and seldom care for themselves.  As you can imagine, this will eventually wear anyone down. Caretaking though is a part of who they are and if they stop doing it, they often begin to feel bad about themselves.

The problem with caretaking isn’t that they’re kind to others.  The problem is that they’re kind to others at the expense of themselves.  When we constantly put the needs of everyone else ahead of our own needs, we have no one looking out for us.

Saying no, taking time out for yourself and drawing the line when necessary, is vital to healthy relationships.  For those people who struggle to say no, here are a few tips to build those muscles:
1.    Set up an automatic pause button. When someone asks you to do something tell him or her you have to think about it and will get back to them.  Take the time to think if this is something you really want to do, can do and should do before you respond.  Without this built in break you are likely to give your knee-jerk response of yes.
2.    Incorporate the 24-hour rule.  For larger requests such as taking on a new project, watching a friend’s child etc., tell the person you will get back to them in 24 hours.  With close friends and family you can even tell them about the 24 hour rule because you are working on not spreading yourself too thin and saying no.  Thank them for supporting you on this.
3.    Practice saying no.  Make yourself say no at least one out of every 5 times.  Practice with a close friend, say no to minor requests as practice or tell your parent no when you know if you say yes you will feel resentful.
4.    This or that.  If you are already over-extended, refuse to take a new thing without letting go of something else.  Think of it as an exchange that maintains balance; you can exchange “this’ for “that” but you cannot do both.

If you struggle with saying no, chances are you don’t want to be mean and often think it’s no big deal to help.  Saying no is not being mean.  Often saying no is a gift to you and your family.  When you say no, it is an act of self-care that leaves you with more energy and less fatigue and resentment.  This is a win-win for everyone.

CHALLENGE:  Begin to see saying “no” as a gift.  Incorporate some of the rules above beginning with easier no’s with the safest people and expanding to the more difficult no’s with the more difficult people. Good luck…and if you don’t want to do this challenge…JUST SAY NO!

Austin is a pretty casual city – lots of jeans, tee shirts, flip flops…even at work. More often than not, I have people ask me why I dress up so much. What can I say? I prefer dresses and cardigans to pants. Recently I have found myself with some dressier events to attend (weddings, charity events, dates, etc) and I’ve been looking to step up my caliber of dresses. When searching for beautiful and dressy attire, I am always attracted to IGIGI by Yuliya Raquel. Not only are the styles beautiful and the fabrics high quality, but the real draw is the amount of rich and vibrant color she uses.  Here are the pieces that are on my wish list right now!

Hepburn Dress in Black by IGIGI by Yuliya Raquel

You know a dress is poised to be a classic when it’s called the Hepburn. A classic wrap dress (with pockets) with a striking white color and princess seams – it really doesn’t get any better than this. I want to wear this dress for interviews and for first dates. It’s classy and refined and smart. It also comes in navy blue which is a great alternative to black.

Nicole Dress in Berry by IGIGI by Yuliya Raquel

The color of this dress is enough to turn heads! Coupled with the color blocked style and the beautiful silhouette-creating cut…well, let’s just say your dance card will be full. This dress would be so much fun for a wedding or a fancy downtown party. The shape offers a bit of sex appeal but you are still covered and comfortable for a night of dancing and mingling. This also comes in a beautiful forest green. I love both colors so much, I really can’t choose a favorite.

Michelle Gown in Plum by IGIGI by Yuliya Raquel

I saved the best for last! I have literally started signing up for every charity I can in hopes of getting to go to a charity ball and wear this dress. It is insanely sexy without showing too much. I love the idea of full length wrap “peeking” open to display the sparkly dress underneath. This dress is not for the faint of heart or the wallflowers. Everyone will want to talk to you about this dress and you will cause more than a few head turns! It also comes in a lovely navy blue, but why were blue when you can wear purple??

What are your favorite IGIGI by Yuliya Raquel pieces? Do you have any fancy events coming up? If not, want to be my plus one for a fancy wedding in May??

Meet Cathy! Hailing from Austin, Texas, Cathy works for an internet marketing conference. Her blog, Austin Slave to Fashion, is a one-stop-shop for all things style, shopping, and the pursuit of fashion for all. Each week, Cathy will be giving us her most fashionable finds on Sonsi.com. Click on each of the photos to shop the products Cathy is swooning over for her Shopping Cart that week

Read up on some of the past Cathy’s Shopping Cart blogs!

As I get older, these “possibilities” seem to become realities more and more.  The naive innocence of thinking I was invulnerable has gradually been replaced with the grim realization that I’m really not invulnerable…and nor are my loved ones.  Many people have learned this lesson at far too young an age through tragic experience.  My heart goes out to them.

The gift in this realization, I realize, is I get to not take advantage of life.  I can learn to let go of the little things my husband, children or friends do and instead appreciate the “big” things they do.  I can be thankful for their smile, kind words and simple accepting presence.  I can even appreciate my son and daughter’s staunch arguments (from afar of course) knowing they are learning to fight for themselves.  I can take a moment to appreciate my mother’s perfectionism and see it as her way of letting me know she cares enough to critique.

When I slow down to remember what I could lose, it helps to remind me of what I have.  Losing someone close to me would be heart breaking, however, I wonder how many of those close to me actually know this?  How many of your loved ones would know how difficult life would be without them?  Too often we get so caught up in analyzing and complaining about what we don’t have that we forget to see what we do have.

Although there is a time to tweak, analyze and try to fix what’s not working, there is also a time to simply be thankful for what is.  When it comes to relationships, appreciation is a vital ingredient to keeping them nurtured and vibrant.  Sometimes we forget to do the nurturing.  As I think of all the people who have lost loved ones along the way, I’m reminded of the importance of cherishing those who still remain with us.

Take the time to appreciate.  Don’t just appreciate in your head, but do so out loud, in a note and in your actions.  Tell your loved ones you love them.  Say thank-you when they are kind.  Let them know what a difference they have made in your life.  Do this today while you have the chance.  You never know who will or will not be around tomorrow.

Challenge:  Make the time to appreciate those in your life.  Tell them, show them and act as though you are thankful for their presence.  Showing appreciation does not mean everything is fine—it simply means that even with the struggles, you appreciate them.