Many women in the world, struggle with perfectionism. One of the ways this struggle plays out in their relationship, is by the women being hyper critical of those around them (as well as themselves). As I’m sure you can imagine, when women are critical and/or perfectionistic, their loved ones often grow tired of their negativity. It’s very tough to be around someone who is constantly remarking about your flaws.
Many people who struggle with being critical have no idea how toxic it can be. Because they believe they are only trying to help, they don’t get the impact of their negativity on others. They get so focused on “fixing” others that they become blind to all the things their perfectionism is breaking such as their child’s spirit, the connections with their loved ones and of course ultimately their relationships. People don’t like to be with someone who is seldom sees them as good enough.
Below are some red flags that you may be too critical. Read this list with an open mind. While you’re going through the list, imagine what your partner or children would say about each item on the list.
1. You frequently “suggest” a different hairstyle, outfit or “tip” for your partner or children upon seeing them wearing something you don’t think looks good.
2. Upon entry into the home you “greet” your family by commenting about what a mess the house is or complaining about something they did or did not do.
3. When your children or partner help, you are more frustrated by how they helped than you are thankful that they did help.
4. After every sports event or school activity, you lead with what they need to work on or could’ve done better rather than giving them positives.
5. You go behind your partner and “fix” what they didn’t do quite right. For example, you reload the dishwasher after your partner just loaded it.
6. You frequently tell your partner or children what they should and shouldn’t do under the guise of being helpful.
7. Your first comments regarding report cards pertain to the poor grades and you slide right past the good ones.
8. One or both of your parents were critical and had very high expectations.
9. If you ask your partner to do three things and they do two, you complain about the one thing they didn’t do.
10. The people in your life tell you you’re always critical or comment that they can never do anything right in your eyes.
If your children, partner, family or friends tease you about being critical or tell you you’re difficult to please, listen. No one likes to be around someone who is constantly criticizing something they do/don’t do. Back off, let go of perfectionism and learn to change the focus of your lens. Pay attention to what is okay, remember to be cherishing and stop the criticism.
CHALLENGE: If you struggle with being critical, commit to changing your lens. Refuse to enter your home without saying something positive—beginning with, “Hello. How was your day?” Be more loving and less perfectionist and notice how your family and relationships change.